Struggling to find motivation2023/08/23
I have a tendency to not fulfill my promises when it comes to my projects. If I decide that I want to make something, I won't have completed even 50% of the features I originally wanted before my brain decides that what I'm doing is boring and I should move on to something else. Somehow, new ideas that don't fit in my current project at all, always come to me when I'm working on something. This makes my motivation and enthusiasm about my current project completely disappear, and I have to force myself to continue, which doesn't happen most of the time.
Even though I have tried many things, I feel like I've never truly committed to an idea enough to be able to do something with it. As I'm writing this, I am working on a little top-down shooter game in godot with my friends. However, there are already multiple other project ideas in my mind that I want to be doing instead.
This isn't the end of the world most of the time, since I'm just doing this as a hobby; I don't have any responsibilities when it comes to my personal projects. But that all changes, when money is involved.
Last year, I got paid by one of my relatives to build a website for them. Fair enough. I had until June to make it. But then June came around and I have not opened a text editor yet. I was too distracted by other things. They said it's fine, I could have until October, since the product they want to advertise isn't finished yet. Then October came around, I had some basic html+css in place, that took about a day to implement. They told me I could have until December to finish it. Then until March. And finally, after a year of doing basically nothing, I wrote the entire website in basically 1 week. I stayed up until 5 in the morning working on the site on the last day I had to publish it. The next day we had school in the afternoon for some reason, so I had time to finish it, but I still ended up ssh'ing from Termux while on the bus to school to finalize the setup.
And in the mean time, whenever me or my friends had an idea for a cool project we could work on, I always said “I have to work on the website”. For a whole year straight. It basically paralised me mentally and prevented me from starting other projects on the side, while not getting any work done.
Since then I've gotten inspiration for projects many times, but there is only one I'm comfortable calling completed. And it's not only about programming either. The blog you're reading now hasn't had a new post since Febuary. I've tried to sit down and write some posts when I had something in mind, but in those cases I ended up scrapping the entire post, because I wasn't happy with what I wrote. This has been eating away at my confidence for a long time, and I don't know what to do about it.